the world: irl

[secondthoughts]

beep boop.

Comments

[secondthoughts]

That's scary, too.

But the prospect of losing someone IS scary. And you should say that, too.

I used to know someone who would speak so romantically about death in battle, like it was a good thing. He was so obsessed with it. He had no idea that whenever he started talking about it, he'd terrify me. He thought he was doing me favors by fantasizing about a world where he'd died and I lived on without him, but he wasn't. It made it hard to enjoy the moment with him.

He only stopped when I told him how that made me feel. He never wanted to hurt me, he just got caught up in his own head.

Some people need the reminder.

[gluttoning]

Was it someone you really liked?

[secondthoughts]

[ The only one who knows at this point is Yael, and he's blocked.

Hector stares at the screen a bit, and he feels the heartache pull at the seams of his facade. Who is he doing a disservice by not telling Barret?

...Him, probably. ]

I loved him. More than anything else in the entire world.

So I get it. I know it's complicated when the other person doesn't want to live, but you're still making an impact when you say how happy they make you. Just make sure you say it while you have the chance.

[gluttoning]

[Loved. Past.

...]

Was it hard for you when you first had to tell him? How you felt, I mean.

[secondthoughts]

To be honest? No.

Our situation was...complicated. But how I felt? And telling him how I felt? Probably the easiest thing I've ever experienced in my life. Never questioned it for a second.

But I know that's rare.

[gluttoning]

Did you ever worry about what to say?

I think that's what I don't understand. Knowing how to describe how he makes me feel. We like being with each other. But I don't know how to say how happy I am.

I got to see him yesterday. And I want to see him more days. A lot more. And I don't know if he's happy with me, or with somebody else.

Is it okay if I'm still happy with him? I feel if I wait, I'll have to watch him disappear again. But I don't want him to feel he has to hear my feelings if he isn't ready.

[secondthoughts]

Stop worrying and just say it.

Stop worrying about your word choice. Stop worrying about how he might feel about it. If it's weighing on you, if it's HURTING you, then just say it. The longer you let that sit on you, the harder it is it's gonna be to get rid of it. And if he's gone again? You'll have to sit with that for the rest of your life.

If it's clear you obviously like being around each other, and he hasn't been homophobic towards you? Then the worst thing you can do is wait and worry.

[gluttoning]

The worst thing I can do?

[secondthoughts]

Yeah.

[gluttoning]

[An extremely long pause.]

Okay. I'll have to think about it a little. Now feels really bad.



Mehmet, is it bad to want to do things for other people?

[secondthoughts]

No.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

[gluttoning]

It's not selfish?

[secondthoughts]

Maybe.

[ As much as it hurts to admit, the other guy was right. ]

But it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Help people if they need it. Who cares if it makes you feel good at the same time?

[gluttoning]

That's not why I ask.

When Morgan had that armor set on, he said a lot of stuff that hurt. Got after me for a lot of things I've never heard him talk about before. And it makes me wonder if trying to help him is just making him angry with me.

[secondthoughts]

Stop wondering and ask him.

Some people don't want help. Sometimes you have to respect that, so long as they're not hurting themselves or anyone else. Sometimes all you have to do is offer to be available if they ever need it.

[gluttoning]

I guess.

Sorry. I just want to make sure I'm doing things right after all this. It feels like my chest is full of too much. I don't know what to do with it.


Thank you for talking to me, though.

[secondthoughts]

If you need to cool off, or give yourself a little to collect yourself, that's fine too. This stuff is complicated, you don't need to apologize.

And of course. If you ever need anything else, I'm here. If Mithrun is mean to you and you need me to grief him during an area run, I can do that too 😜

[gluttoning]

Yeah I'm offline right now. Tylor and Hani are with him so there's nothing else I can do. My stomach just aches.

Would you tell me more about the man you loved sometime?

[secondthoughts]

[ Ah, that's good. ]





Yeah. Anytime. Just remind me.

[gluttoning]

Okay.

I think I'm just gonna go home for the afternoon. See if someone can check on Booker and just play video games with Levi or something.

[secondthoughts]

Good idea. Take care of yourself, Barrett.

[gluttoning]

Thanks, Mehmet.

I'm playing in Fresno this weekend. That's in your area, right?

Could you cheer extra loud for us?

[secondthoughts]

Of course! You bet I will :-)

Good luck!!!

[gluttoning]

Thanks.

If you're free, wanna go find a restaraunt and get dessert or something? I don't know how late we'll be playing.

[secondthoughts]

Oh you're actually inviting me out?

That's sweet of you. Who else is going to be there?