[It takes some time, after waking up in the hospital, to be able to do much of anything. He's weak, he's miserable in so many ways, and there's something horrifically nostalgic about being stuck in recovery as his body tries to function again, but the whole time he has the thought that at least he's not alone, in the grander sense. There is a man out there, on the other side of the world, who loves him, who's going through the same thing.
There is also the thought that there is a man, whose relationship with Owen he cannot describe so succinctly, only hours away who... isn't. He's gone. Crucified in some sick exchange, and Owen finds his thoughts drifting back to Hector - to Mehmet - when he has moments of quiet.
So once he's able to get his phone back and get service restored, he... does nothing, not for a few more days, but then he's pulling up instagram. He can see the last post Hector made, the last words anyone got from him, well over two months ago now, but he doesn't bother reading it. He just starts a DM, feeling a bit silly, but - well. Time for the entire truth to come out, apparently.
Owen and Mehmet had had more than just one chance meeting in New York, and he regrets not saying anything even if explaining it would have been mortifying. At least it would have cleared things up...]
mehmet, it's owen. i know you can't read this right now, but - surprise. you've been giving me money to see me naked this whole time, and it's part of why things were so strange from us even beyond you just forgetting we met in nyc.
i don't know if telling you about that would have made a difference. it's not like i wanted to connect every part of my life, but now i find myself thinking about what things could have been like if i had told you? maybe it's selfish and self-centered to me, but... i did like spending time with you. i did think you were a good man, even if i know there were things you were very much hiding from me and everyone else.
but how could i mind when so was i? big and small, everyone keeps secrets. i can't hold it against you and i never will, and i don't just say that because you're dead. you kept things to yourself for a reason, and it's not like knowing everything would have changed what i thought of you. i was taken in by a man who did terrible things - anything terrible you may have done would have just been familiar, i'm sure. it's also possible your secrets weren't anything heinous you may have done yourself, but like i said. don't really care what your secrets are. i still liked being around you.
i still liked you, because you didn't seem to detest me. i wish i had gotten to know you better, though i'm sure i would have just tried to push you away. i kept trying to push amon (fandaniel) away, too, because that's just... how i was like, so it just makes the regret even stranger.
did you ever notice that i stole one of the pieces from your chess set after i stayed with you? i still have it, actually. it's totally worthless, but it's something i haven't been able to part with. a silly souvenir of what i got up to while finding my way in america.
speaking of america... amon's still planning on it, and whenever he does, i'll take him up to sequoia for you. it won't be the same, but we had joked about going up there together to bother you together. we had made plans to see the trees and hassle you all day because the two of us would have been in no shape for hiking around for hours, right after amon came back from the fight with fidchell.
anyways, i know messages like this are only good for the living leaving them. i'm only satisfying my own selfish feelings, but i would rather embarrass myself yelling into a void than keep stewing and being miserable with the words i never got the chance to say.
i miss you. i wish i could have seen you again. that amon could see you again. i hope you're happy, though, wherever you are. i've never thought much about there being an after life, but i hope you're somewhere nice and peaceful.
sometime mid-ish december
There is also the thought that there is a man, whose relationship with Owen he cannot describe so succinctly, only hours away who... isn't. He's gone. Crucified in some sick exchange, and Owen finds his thoughts drifting back to Hector - to Mehmet - when he has moments of quiet.
So once he's able to get his phone back and get service restored, he... does nothing, not for a few more days, but then he's pulling up instagram. He can see the last post Hector made, the last words anyone got from him, well over two months ago now, but he doesn't bother reading it. He just starts a DM, feeling a bit silly, but - well. Time for the entire truth to come out, apparently.
Owen and Mehmet had had more than just one chance meeting in New York, and he regrets not saying anything even if explaining it would have been mortifying. At least it would have cleared things up...]
mehmet, it's owen. i know you can't read this right now, but - surprise. you've been giving me money to see me naked this whole time, and it's part of why things were so strange from us even beyond you just forgetting we met in nyc.
i don't know if telling you about that would have made a difference. it's not like i wanted to connect every part of my life, but now i find myself thinking about what things could have been like if i had told you? maybe it's selfish and self-centered to me, but... i did like spending time with you. i did think you were a good man, even if i know there were things you were very much hiding from me and everyone else.
but how could i mind when so was i? big and small, everyone keeps secrets. i can't hold it against you and i never will, and i don't just say that because you're dead. you kept things to yourself for a reason, and it's not like knowing everything would have changed what i thought of you. i was taken in by a man who did terrible things - anything terrible you may have done would have just been familiar, i'm sure. it's also possible your secrets weren't anything heinous you may have done yourself, but like i said. don't really care what your secrets are. i still liked being around you.
i still liked you, because you didn't seem to detest me. i wish i had gotten to know you better, though i'm sure i would have just tried to push you away. i kept trying to push amon (fandaniel) away, too, because that's just... how i was like, so it just makes the regret even stranger.
did you ever notice that i stole one of the pieces from your chess set after i stayed with you? i still have it, actually. it's totally worthless, but it's something i haven't been able to part with. a silly souvenir of what i got up to while finding my way in america.
speaking of america... amon's still planning on it, and whenever he does, i'll take him up to sequoia for you. it won't be the same, but we had joked about going up there together to bother you together. we had made plans to see the trees and hassle you all day because the two of us would have been in no shape for hiking around for hours, right after amon came back from the fight with fidchell.
anyways, i know messages like this are only good for the living leaving them. i'm only satisfying my own selfish feelings, but i would rather embarrass myself yelling into a void than keep stewing and being miserable with the words i never got the chance to say.
i miss you. i wish i could have seen you again. that amon could see you again. i hope you're happy, though, wherever you are. i've never thought much about there being an after life, but i hope you're somewhere nice and peaceful.
xo, owen